JNB Coaching Blog

Coaching vs. Therapy

2009-09-10T14:06:00.001-04:00

I often come across people who seem to associate coaching with therapy, or who aren’t really clear on the difference between the two. So I thought it might be of value to share the International Coaching Federation’s explanation of the differences between coaching and therapy. Enjoy!

Coaching can be distinguished from therapy in a number of ways. First, coaching is a profession that supports personal and professional growth and development based on individual-initiated change in pursuit of specific actionable outcomes. These outcomes are linked to personal or professional success. Coaching is forward moving and future focused.

Therapy, on the other hand, deals with healing pain, dysfunction and conflict within an individual or a relationship between two or more individuals. The focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past which hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present, improving overall psychological functioning, and dealing with present life and work circumstances in more emotionally healthy ways.

Therapy outcomes often include improved emotional/feeling states. While positive feelings/emotions may be a natural outcome of coaching, the primary focus is on creating actionable strategies for achieving specific goals in one's work or personal life.

The emphasis in a coaching relationship is on action, accountability and follow through.

Source: Branding and Marketing Subcommittee (Jan Austin, MCC, Val Williams, MCC, Nora Klaver, MCC and Ariane Cherbuliez, PCC) www.coachfederation.org

Perspective

2009-07-10T13:25:00.001-04:00

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". -Wayne Dyer

What are you settling for in life?

What are you getting out of that?

Often people hold the view that what’s going on in their life, or in other words their circumstances, dictate how life goes for them. I’d like to pose another way to look at it. Your perspective about your situation actually creates your experience of life.

Everyone has a different perspective, each one valid and valuable. Consider how life would be different if you truly allowed new perspectives to inform your experience of life, giving you the gift of seeing something new for yourself.

You may not be able to immediately change your circumstances, yet you CAN change how you relate to them, and in turn they tend to change. Every “problem”, every breakdown, has a huge opportunity for growth nestled within it.

I challenge you to look at things in your life from a different perspective this week. Put yourself in other people’s shoes and consider how they might view the same situation. What new possibilities do you see?

Presence

2009-06-25T17:26:00.000-04:00

Truly being in the moment can be difficult for most. It requires us to let go of the story we hold on to about the past as well as our obsession with predicting or planning the future, to just
BE where we are now.

However, I’d pose to you that being in the moment is actually the most empowering place to live. Most of the time, when you’re in a bad mood or some difficult circumstances have arisen, it’s not the moment itself that weighs on you, rather it’s the thoughts about what happened to create the bad mood, or what the circumstances mean to your future and how it’s going to be, that have you concerned.

The present moment allows for flexibility and gives you the opportunity to empower a change or shift.

Consider that the past and future don’t exist – they are only in your mind and there is only now. So how will you be right now?

Interdependence

2009-06-05T16:16:00.008-04:00

Many people live by the mantra of wanting to be independent. According to Stephen Covey, the most powerful way to develop is to move from dependence, to independence, and finally to INTERdependence. You are not alone in this world of millions so why keep insisting that you have to do everything entirely by yourself?

People who are dependent rely on others to give them what they want. They put the focus outside of themselves to what others are doing or not doing. This way of operating in the world robs you of your ability to declare how life will go for you and actually take action on fulfilling into that declaration.

Independence on the other hand requires you to get really responsible for how your life goes and proactive in your actions, prioritizing and operating from your future vision of life. If you find yourself constantly playing the blame game, consider, what are you really getting out of that? Is the payoff worth the consequences?

Next, create interdependence by working with the people in your life in a way that instills trust and partnership. Really listen to what they have to say, contribute your own input, and work together to find new solutions that meet both your values.

Who made up the notion that self-reliance was better than strengthening connections to others by enlisting support? In a world of 6 billion people, who gave you the idea that you were meant to do it alone?

Commitment

2009-05-15T13:26:00.001-04:00

“Concerning all acts of initiative, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goeth

Some of you may have heard this goldmine of wisdom before. How many of you have truly taken it to heart?

One thing of which I have no shred of doubt in my mind is that when you really, truly and completely commit yourself to something it is inevitable that you will produce results you would have never imagined. This is not to say that the road may not be bumpy or have boulders that need to be removed along the way, but within a true commitment, we continue along the road until we reach our destination.

So what are you really afraid of that has you not commit to creating the things you say you really want in life? What do you value more: protecting yourself in some way or your dream life?

Transforming Fear with Love

2009-04-30T11:20:00.000-04:00

“Darkness is merely the absence of light, and fear is merely the absence of love. We can’t get rid of darkness by hitting it with a baseball hat, because there is nothing to hit. If we want to be rid of darkness, we must turn on a light. Similarly, if we want to be rid of fear, we cannot fight it but must replace it with love.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Our fears often feel like the truth. Like everything that could go wrong will or that we’ll never be able to make something we want happen. It’s just “our nature” or “our luck” or “how it is”. Not a very loving way to think, is it? In reality, fears are just stories that we made up about life at some point to protect us from getting hurt.

What would it look like if you actually had compassion for that part of you that is terrified or maybe even paralyzed from changing or moving into unknown territory? Are you willing to take that on?

If every single person truly looked at their lives and took on the task of noticing where they’re coming from in the moment, fear or love, and began to choose love more and more often, we would be able to end wars, end world hunger, end the economic crisis and heal our environment. People aren’t inherently bad, they’re afraid. Imagine what real love would do for them?

The next time you recognize that your fears are holding you back, turn on a light. Ask yourself, “what would love do now?”

Love

2009-04-24T17:10:00.000-04:00

Love is such an amazing phenomenon. You see it all the time, in a mother cheering on her child at an event, a couple enjoying one another’s company over a romantic dinner, or even just a kind gesture from a stranger like giving food to someone who’s hungry or showing concern when someone gets hurt.

Considering how warm and expansive it feels when you give love unconditionally, it’s almost unbelievable how stingy we are with it. Often you become so consumed by the fear of not having enough for yourself that you refrain from giving it to anyone, INCLUDING yourself and/or blaming one another for the faults in your relationship, always looking for the leverage to ‘be right’.

So OF COURSE you feel like you don’t have enough of it – you aren’t operating from love or giving it away. How can you possibly feel that you have something you constantly deny the universe?

True generosity, to others as well as to yourself, lies in giving love away as if you had a never-ending supply of it, because you do. Love is beyond abundant, it’s eternal.

Life can be transformed through things like compassion, understanding and kindness. So when you're feeling like you don't have enough love in your life, GIVE it to others and notice the wealth of it that runs through you. Touch your own heart by touching someone elses.

Forgiveness

2009-04-08T23:10:00.002-04:00

Forgiveness is an act of kindness, not just to another person, but to yourself. Being courageous enough to release the anger that stems from whatever fears you are holding on to is no small task. It requires a generosity of heart and soul that people don’t always feel they have access to. Yet the love within you truly is unlimited and expansive. That love is who you really are; and our universal purpose is to share that with the world.

Even those you think of as cruel or evil, are actually operating out of whatever very strong fear they are attached to. Similarly, we each struggle with our own fears each and every day. If you look at the vast array of people in the world, plenty of which you may disagree with or disapprove of, you actually have the opportunity to recognize a oneness that exists within us all. Every single person on this planet is united in our desire for love and acceptance as we are.

Now imagine the incredible healing power of forgiveness when you consider that all anyone really wants, at the core of who they are, is to love and be loved. Whether or not you continue communicating with that person or considering that event that you were holding something against, to hold a grudge in your heart actually creates YOUR experience as one of pain and anger. It actually affects who YOU are being and what YOU are capable of from that standpoint.

Therefore, it would stand to reason that if you ask for forgiveness from those you feel you have harmed and allow forgiveness for those you feel have harmed you, including yourself, you are actually freeing up all that wonderful energy that was previously spent on resentment and frustration.

So in service of your best self, who you really are, take on forgiving at least one person this week. But start with forgiving yourself.

**If you’re having trouble getting to this place of forgiveness, get in touch with me and I’d be happy to provide you with some further assistance in getting complete with the situation first.

Never Too Late

2009-04-02T11:23:00.001-04:00

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.” ~Mark Twain

That’s one of my favorite quotes. It’s what I believe they really mean when they say ‘carpe diem’; seize the day. Every day, in every moment, you have the chance to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do, to create that life you’ve always wanted to live. It doesn’t matter what point you’re at in life or what you’ve endured along the way. You are a naturally creative and resourceful being with the power to alter your own personal universe just because you say so.

Age, gender, race, sexuality, religion – none of these are truly deciding factors as to whether or not you can do or achieve something, they are only used as excuses and protestations for why something isn’t possible for you. (Look at Barack Obama – how many people thought we would ever have a black president?) In reality, you can do absolutely anything. Even if it were just something you were curious about – like what it would be like to live in another country? Or if that person you loved so long ago is still available or still thinks about you? Or if after all the time you’ve spent in your field, if you could really change careers NOW and actually do what you’re passionate about?

Part of the wonder of life is that we GET to be curious and subsequently explore and discover! True, it may not turn out the way you hope it to when you play it out in your mind – but it least it will turn out. Regrets are completely arbitrary when you can truly say that you do and have lived life fully.

So plan that trip, re-unite with that person, start interviewing, take whatever chance it is that you’re avoiding – do whatever it is that you think you can’t. In telling you what you can and can’t do, no one’s voice will ever be as strong as your own.

Change

2009-03-25T22:52:00.000-04:00

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" -- Mohandas Gandhi

The universe is vast and your opportunities in it are unlimited.

So often I hear people talk about the change they want to see so fervently yet refuse to be the catalyst that embodies it.

If not you, who? If not now, when?

Change, as President Obama has so eloquently put, “will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

This boldly speaks not just to our country or our world today, but also to your own unique life. The more you keep waiting for things to get better, to have more time, more money, more love – the more you are going to spend your life waiting. If you really get responsible for how your life is going right now, you actually regain the opportunity to have it go differently. You reclaim the power to create all those things you’re seeking.

Practice being “the one” everywhere, all the time.

Trust

2009-03-19T18:12:00.001-04:00

What's your current relationship to trust? Really take a look for a minute. How does the concept of trust show up for you in life? Do you rarely give it? Only give it conditionally? Feel that it's always betrayed when given?

If your response was in any way similar to the examples, you are not alone.

Most people are so terrified of getting hurt that they spend their lives never fully opening up to anyone yet baffled as to why they feel so deeply alone in the world.

Now imagine what the world might look like if people were truly authentic and vulnerable with one another. Just consider the possibilities of a world where people actually connected with one another on a very real, very heartfelt level.

Creating that world starts with you.

So I'm going to present a new possibility. One that redefines the way you relate to trust. Practice giving trust as a gift. A wonderful present that you generously and lovingly give to all those who touch your life. Notice what it creates.

It doesn't really matter so much what they do with it; they may give it back, they may put it away and not look at it for years, or they may open it and allow it to permeate their life. No matter what, you get to say if YOUR life is filled with love and connection or guardedness and fear. What do you choose?

Blame

2009-02-24T15:09:00.004-05:00

Anything someone, something, or some society or culture says or does "to" you, has nothing to do with you. It is their stuff, not yours. Even if someone says something cruel to you, again, it truly has nothing to do with you. It just speaks to the particular way they view the world. It is marred by the interpretations they have made about how life goes for them. It does not define your worth or value. So quit taking it so personally!

If you're blaming anyone for anything, you're giving up your power to be responsible for your life. You're giving up your rightful place as the creator of your life experience to be a player in someone else’s game and play victim to their rule.

Reclaim your life and your power. You are by nature a strong, courageous being with the capacity to empower nations and instigate world change. Start living your life as the miraculous leader you truly are.

Nightly, reflect on each time you reacted negatively in the day. For each instance, think of something empowering you could have done instead. Then the following day, practice implementing your new created responses.

The Moment of Truth

2009-02-17T20:46:00.002-05:00

You know those moments when the world seems to stop and wait for your reaction? You get knocked off your feet on the street, someone spills red wine all down the back of your beautiful white jacket, someone cuts you off on the highway, someone knocks into your table and your food ends up in your lap, you get into a fight with your significant other because the inconsiderate (fill in the blank) did (fill in the blank) (didn’t help with the dishes, left the seat up, took an hour to get ready, teased you about your new haircut, got home late) again…?

When you take a moment to reflect on all the time you spend getting upset or frustrated or irate with people and life it’s incredible, and disturbing, to recognize how much time and energy of your life is spent reacting to what life seems to throw at you.

Life is too short and far too precious to be spent in a whirlwind of irritation, anger and fear.

The trick to changing your reaction from disaster to ease? Awareness.

First, notice if you’re taking it personally. You don’t truly know what’s going on for the other person (or what the situation is) and whatever happened was not a personal vendetta or attack against you. The world is not against you.

Next, consider, how much does this incident really mean in the grand scheme of things? That moment is officially the past and you can’t do anything to change that it happened – so how do you want your present to be?

Then choose.

Those reactions are costing you your life. Do you want your days to be exhausted and trying or fulfilling and joyful? You get to say.

Your Dream Life

2009-02-09T22:27:00.004-05:00

Do you ever daydream about what your life would look like if it were perfect?

For that brief moment, you have this glorious glimpse into another world, one where anything is possible; where dreams and reality are one in the same and life is an experience of love, joy and satisfaction.

Then something happens to bring you back to the present moment and it’s as if all of the sudden someone slammed the door shut on that vision and sent you running back under the covers of your bed where it was safe and comfortable.

Let me tell you something, life is not happening under the covers! What feels safe, comfortable and familiar will not get you the life of your dreams!

So rather than relinquishing all control and declaring your life to be bound by your circumstances, consider for a moment - what are you really afraid of that’s preventing you from having this life?

Make a list of all areas where you’re holding back, avoiding, or stopping in life. For each area, ask yourself, am I coming from love or am I coming from fear? If fear, distinguish exactly what the fear is about. What are you sacrificing to maintain that? What actions can you create from a place of love that have you live your dream life now? Take those actions on regularly.

The future is just a thought - life happens now. Start living it by design.

Choice

2009-02-02T23:08:00.008-05:00

Only you can manifest the things you want in life because it is action that creates results. You are the only one who can take that action. Yet that’s not enough. Underneath all that action, the doing, is the foundation of who you are being. This is where magical things can happen. Shifting the way you approach people, situations, the world, is the real key to fulfillment. Getting clear on where you’re coming from, the lens through which you see the world, and how you get in your own way gives you access to choosing something else. In distinguishing this paradigm, you receive the gift of opportunity to create choices and actions from an empowered place in line with the vision you hold for your life.

Believe it or not you really do have a choice – you can either continue operating from the disempowering pattern that’s not getting you what you want, or you can choose something new, something outside your comfort zone that resides in the realm of possibility, something that liberates you from limitation and moves you forward. You have the incredible ability to create your life rather than react to it.

What’s possible for you is simply what you say is possible. So what will you create and who will you BE in creating it?

You can make a choice that empowers you, make a choice that disempowers you, or make no choice, which is always a choice, and an automatically disempowering one at that.

What will you choose this week?

New Year

2008-12-27T12:35:00.005-05:00

Everyone is always making promises for themselves around this time of year. “This time I’m going to stick to the plan – lose 10 pounds, get a raise/new job, find new love.” Why is it that these wonderful goals only seem to stick for a couple months? People get so motivated and excited about what they’re going to create in their lives and then all of the sudden that enthusiasm wanes. The mountain seems too tall to climb, the weather too chilly, the obstacles insurmountable. A shift takes place. It’s as if you took a trip to the Disney World, the happiest place on earth, and the trip came to an end and you went back to “real life”.

Why not live in Disney World?

Whatever that experience is for you – Disney World, the beach, hiking in the fall, skiing in the winter, Sundays… think about how it makes you feel. Think about the way you’re being; where you're coming from and how you see the world from that place. Really get a clear picture of what life is like for you from there.

Now take that experience and practice re-creating it every day, in every moment. In whatever it is you’re doing now, create that way of being.

Who says that the “real world” can’t be enjoyable, fun, easy, delightful, rewarding, fulfilling…?

It’s up to you to create the life you truly want. You experience life in whatever way you choose to and only you have control over how that goes. Only you have the power to allow things to reamain as they are or to decide to create something new.

Enroll someone in supporting you to stick to those goals. Hire a coach, enlist a friend, check in with a family member, hire a trainer... whoever or whatever it is, power exists in partnership and support. The biggest mistake a person can make is to believe they are alone in the world. There are people who love you, want you to win, and will support you in doing so. Most people have it mixed up – there is not weakness in asking for support, there is power in vulnerability.

Committing to You

2008-11-16T21:45:00.002-05:00

In a healthy set of priorities, you come first. You know why? Because all the other areas of your life are going to be affected by your well being. Your spouse, work, family & friends will all feel the trickle down effect of whatever it is you’re experiencing.

Based on that, it’s important to recognize what your commitments mean for you. Are they empowering? Are they in line with your values? Are they commitments to yourself?

What is it that you dream about so fervently yet are terrified to even utter the desire? Maybe you think it’s so out there, so far from where you are now that it blows your mind to even consider the possibility of it actually existing in your life. Only someone extraordinary could do that. That could never happen for you.

Guess what? You ARE extraordinary. You are the creator of your life; the masterful artist who paints the beautiful and unique experience that is your future.

When we take on or continue things that aren’t in line with what we really want, we end up in conflict. We remain in a situation, whether it be a job, a relationship, or something else, even though we’re not fully aligned with whatever it is. Our hearts aren’t in it or we don’t enjoy it or we just aren’t ready for that particular thing. But we stay there – why? I’m not talking about when you’re pursuing your dream and hitting roadblocks. I’m talking about when you’re just not fully behind it; when you really want out but don’t see the path to get there, the light that leads out.

When this is the case, there’s disconnect between what you really want and what you’re allowing in your life. So consider, what would look like to be truly unequivocally committed to yourself? To your needs, your desires, your happiness, your heart. What would have to change for you to align your present with your future vision? What actions must you take to create the future you want? What’s predictable if you don’t align?

So commit to yourself. It’s not selfish to envision your future and choose that light. Everyone and everything else in your life will get to bask in its glow once you create it.

The Right Way

2008-10-31T09:39:00.001-04:00

People are always trying to do things the right way. We want to fit that mold of perfection that gets the answer right, discovers the secret, finds the one skeleton key that fits every lock.

Life isn't so cut and dry.

Consider that there is no right way. Or conversely, that every way is the right way.

A way that works is A way that works, not the ONLY way that works. There are no limits to how many options exist. Possibility is endless. By trial and error, we learn what does work for us and what doesn't. We learn what we like to do and what we don't. It's unreasonable to expect our path to be identical to another's. You are a unique and extraordinary individual. Discover your own path. Find your own way. Make your own choices.

When something doesn't work, try something else. Failure doesn't exist. It's just a concept. With every choice we make or path we take we learn; and that new knowledge is vital to helping us create our own personal successes. There is no failure in learning. Whether the choice works for us or shows us what doesn't work, we get a little closer to discovering the success that will exist for us as we move forward on our path towards achieving what we desire.

You can do it any way you want to. So stop obsessing over how to do it and just do it!

The Dream

2008-10-24T19:34:00.002-04:00

Consider this question, what’s the dream?

In your heart of hearts, what is it you really truly want in life?

The things that you will be most passionate about and motivated to achieve are going to be those that you truly desire and dream about. Inspiration only comes from things that inspire us. So make a choice. Decide to continue following the same patterns as you always have and settle for what exists, what’s easy, known and predictable OR take a stand for your life. Choose to be inspired, to create your dreams and accomplish your goals. Choose to live the life you want NOW. Why remain bound to the circumstances that happen to exist instead of creating the ones you desire? Only you have the power to declare what your future will look like and to fulfill into that declaration. No one can or will do it for you. It’s time to take responsibility for your life and the choices you make in it. Life is full of possibilities, open your heart to them and choose.

Welcome!

2008-10-17T11:39:00.007-04:00

Welcome to the JNB Coaching blog!

I'm Jaclyn Beckerman, owner of JNB Coaching. I'm a professional life coach and I truly love what I do. I'm passionate about working with my clients to create the things they want in their life. To live a fulfilled life that realizes their dreams and makes them happy. I work with them to fill the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. I want my clients to win and I fully support them in every way to be in action and accomplish their goals.

Through coaching, I work with my clients to dig deeper and really intuit about how they're being, how they're approaching life, people, and situations. We work to find out what's blocking them or getting in the way of fulfilling their dreams and to recognize the patterns they've lived by or meaning they've created or attached to things that limit their perspective. Once we bring these insights out into the open, we can examine them and see if they're serving you, and if not, explore different approaches and options that might serve you better. We broaden your perspective to look outside the limiting beliefs you've held as a casualty of living life within your comfort zone, or within what you already know. As your coach I encourage you to break outside that box, take off the glasses and see beyond the lens, to recognize a world that is full of opportunities, possibilities, and wide open doors just waiting to be walked through.

So take the next step in creating your future. Check out my website at www.jnbcoaching.com and contact me at jaclyn@jnbcoaching.com or 646-719-1896 to set up a complimentary coaching session to experience the power of coaching. I look forward to working with you to create your dream life!